dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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