do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just cropdusted the office
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
