you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
