My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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