Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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