so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
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