i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize