I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
