I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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