one two three fourrrrnication!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Did I show you my penis last night?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
