I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
