im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
