cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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