Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm too high and old for this...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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