I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
