I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How does it feel to date your dad?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
