found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Ladies don't puke and tell
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
