don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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