If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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