Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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