He kissed a someone with a penis
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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