I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
