Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
