im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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