You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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