Non-Jews are for practice
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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