A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
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You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
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Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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