Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
