Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
There r osticjed everywhere
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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