He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
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Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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