hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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