Can i not drive my cunt home
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
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so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
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I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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