is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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