any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize