I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
