We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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