Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
