I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
This house was built for laser tag.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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