Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
