girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
