I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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