all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
