I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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