R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
