Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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