i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
