We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
