my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
