i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize