oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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