woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
