trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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