My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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