I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
