wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I need to stop coming to work sober
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
