I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Ketchup is God's man juice
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
it's like iHOP with fire
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
