dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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