I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
