FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
