we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
