My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
