Swine flu. Run for my life!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
