I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
