What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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