did you get engaged???
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
